"Sometimes customers forget that cashiers are people, too."

-The plight of retail workers everywhere



A woman comes down my aisle at Target. She's normal looking. Short brown hair in a soccer mom haircut, jeans, and a sweatshirt. No one would notice anything out of the ordinary while looking at her. So, of course, I greet her like I would any guest.
"Hi! How are you doing today?"
Instead of responding with a polite, "Fine, thanks. And how are you?" She ignores me. She hears me, I know that, because her eyes flicker over in my direction, and yet she doesn't even feel that it's necessary to acknowledge my existence. So I proceed to check out her food, like I would any other guest (I forgot to mention earlier, Target has no customers. We call them all guests), even though I'd prefer throw her groceries at her stupidass face.
When I'm done, I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt and try offering her a chance to redeem herself. I say to her as warmly as I can while handing her her receipt, "You have a great day, ma'am!"
This time, however, she doesn't even bother with a glance. She takes her receipt without even looking at me, and leaves. No "Thanks! You too!" no, goodbye, no NOTHING. Because, I'm just a cashier, and therefore, not worth it.


Now, you may be thinking to yourself, Maybe she was deaf. Nope. Throughout her transaction I asked her a various number of questions such as, would you like your milk in a sack. She responded appropriately to each, ruling out the whole deaf/mentally retarded suggestion. Besides, as I said before, she was completely normal looking.


And this is really no surprise to me. I've had customers who give me death glares for no reason other than to glare. I've had customers yell at me. I've had customers insult me. I've had customers make fun of me. I've even had a customer who asked me on a date. I tell you, eight dollars an hour is not enough to deal with the shit they throw at us.

Another example of a really tragic tale of a customer and an employee (or, in Target jargon, a guest and a team member), the girl who worked in front of me did what she usually does and asked the guest how they were doing that day. They replied as one normally would, and then asked, "How are you? I betcha you're tired, huh?"
To which she replied, "Ohhh yeah. I'm exhausted. I've been at work all day, and I don't usually cashier, normally I'm out on the floor. I hate cashiering."

So what does this person do?

They go out of their way to report her to the manager. For "complaining". This customer, whoever they were, deserves a good ol' kick in the face.

This manager was forced to report it as it was considered a "guest complaint". My heart goes out to this girl, it truly does.

So if you're ever on the other side of the check out aisle, please, extend a little sympathy. Chances are, we're under paid, overworked, and just tired. Customers who start conversations with me, truly make things just a little better. It gives us a break from the monotony and that annoying, headache inducing, beep of items being scanned. Even a simple, genuine thank you makes things a tad better.

"You know my name (look up the number)."

Oh, how I love those words. Not because of the meaning behind them (well, the literal meaning at least), but because of the strings, the beats, the music that go behind those words. For 5 minutes and 43 seconds I regularly listen to those words accompanied by a variety of instruments.

Genius -that's precisely what it is. Pure unadulterated genius. How can somebody take eight little words, and accompany them so they turn into something gorgeous? I'll tell you how. They've got the skills. The insane, mad skills. You've got to be a little out of your mind or *cough*high*cough* (but, hey, in the sixties, that's what they did) to be able to create value in the form of sound waves. Using nothing more than eight little words ) Incredible. I've had years to recover from the beauty and the mind blowing factor of this song, and yet, still today I find myself moved. Teary eyed, even.

Now, you may think that I'm exaggerating. No, I'm not. Not. One. Bit.

Now, however, you may find yourself thinking that I'm stubborn. Well, in that case, you may actually be right. Hmm...

However, besides the lovely emotions that that song brings out in me, there are also the darker ones. Back in the day, seventh and eighth grade, to be precise. I had fallen in love with a group of musicians. Two had been dead, and two still alive. Great musicians that my uncle had introduced to me the summer after my 6th grade year. He was obsessed with their music and some of that obsession, luckily, had rubbed off on me.

So, of course, I was eager to share it; however, everybody else, it seemed, was so very eager to laugh at me. "That's old people music!" Most would shout at me. "You weirdo!"

The Beatles! The most popular, mega awesome band that anybody ever did see! I was being laughed at for liking the Beatles! Now, ironically enough, they've made a comeback. And they're a fad. And everybody all of a sudden absolutely loves the Beatles.

What a bunch of bandwagon hopper on-ers.

"Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind."

-Mary Ellen Chase

We're in the middle of the hectic holiday season, trying desperately to figure out what to get our dearest, most presh beloved(s). We've got jingle bell songs on the radio, red and green in store windows (or as the French would say, les coulours verts et rouges sont dans les vitrines), candy canes on our sweaters, and Christmas on our minds.

Leading up to all of this were certain signs, things that nobody would take into consideration, but may

help somebody discern when they should break out the egg nog and the santa hats.

Ten Signs That Let You Know The Holidays Have Arrived

1) When you're pouring salt on your tomatoes, the sound of the salt inside the shaker reminds you of bells.

2) You can't pick up a red/green shirt without deciding that its color alone makes it look too Christmas-y.

3) You tell yourself you need to save money in order to be able to afford all the gifts you'd like.

4) You decide against buying something at that particular moment because you tell yourself that you can buy it later with the Christmas money you'll get.

5) You make a list of affordable gifts to get your friends. (The best gifts are those that are cheap, yet make it seem like you've actually spent well over what you'd actually ever spend.)

6) You make a list of friends for whom to get gifts for. (Subconciously you pray that the list will be long, but once you end at 3 or 4, you tell yourself that you're lucky and you get to save your money, but secretly you wish you had more close friends. Sucks.)

7) You yell at yourself for humming Christmas songs, telling yourself that pretty soon, they'll be all you'll hear.

8) You start making a wish list.

9) Black Friday has come and gone.

10) You flip your calendar to the next month. That next month just so happens to be December. (Although if it really does take you off guard that December follows November, then, well, I don't know what to tell you.)

Words you find can accurately describe/are synonymous with Christmas:

1) Shopping.

2) Presents

3) Santa

4) Sleigh Bells

5) Winter Wonderland

6) Frosty

7) Hannakuh

I could keep going, but I'll leave it at

that (slash I just couldn't really think of any more good ones).

Hmmm....this blog is getting to be pretty list-y. I think I might just continue on with that theme and create another list.

Our favorite classic holiday songs:

1) Santa Baby

2) It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

3) All I Want For Christmas Is You

4) Feliz N

evidad

5) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

6) It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

7) Oh, Christmas Tree

8) Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

9) Silver Bells

10) Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

I think I have over-Christmased myself. I mean, Christ, I don't even celebrate it.

But to those of you who do,

Feliz Nevidad

Joyeux Noël

Nollaig Shona (Irish? I thought they spoke English....)

Sretan Božić (Croatian)

聖誕快樂

Selamat Hari Natal (Indonesian)

Срећан Божић (Serbian)

Mutlu Noeller (Turkish)

Frohe Weihnachten (German)

З Калядамі (Belarusian. Never heard of that one...)

Hyvää joulua (Finnish)

Anyways, I think you get it.

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging.....

"While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings."
-Dave Barry



There are certain rules about the Internet that everyone abides to. Unwritten rules. Rules that can make you or, ultimately break you, because, let's face it. You're not going to be considered cool if you constantly talk about what happened on Myspace or Twitter or Facebook. No, just...don't.

I'm going to take a minute here to talk about the various kinds of guidelines one must follow while using certain social networking sites.

A) Myspace
1) Don't ask somebody about their bulletin post in person. Reply via message.
2) About me's. Give your opinion in a comment, don't approach the person in school or wherever else you two might meet and go, "I really like the way you compare yourself to a butterfly escaping from its cocoon in your About Me." That's just awkward as hell. Please don't make things awkard as hell.
3) Don't ask somebody if they photoshopped their profile picture. Rude.

B) Facebook
1) What is said on facebook chat stays on facebook chat. I myself have been a violater of this rule, and I don't reccomend it.
2) It's just really confusing when you try to explain what picture somebody should use as their profile picture. "You know the one, from my one album, that I posted like...1-7 weeks after that one party, at....God, who was it? OH YEAH! That one guy we met at that one grocery store's house. The one where you're wearing that one shirt, that has those letters on it. The color...it's like, in my 3rd favorite warm colors list. But anyways..and you're with that one guy. Yeah...that one. You look really good in that."
3) Don't talk about your facebook creeping habits to people.

C) Blogs
1) When talking about a blog make sure not to bee too specific, keep it general.
Appropriate: I like your blog, it's hilarious!
Not appropriate: Your blog about the new health care bill really made me laugh, especially when you compared Barack Obama to Barack Osama. That just cracked me up.

C) Other General Internet Rules
1) DO NOT use chat speak when talking. Don't say LAWL, don't say ell-oh-ell. Don't say oh-em-gee. Don't say BRB. Really.


Just follow these simple instructions and you're sure to extend your life by a couple of days. YOUR SOCIAL LIFE THAT IS.

Just remember fellow friends, bloggers, and blog readers. Rules are meant to be broken.

"To live fast and die young"

-MGMT

Is it better to live, if just for a little while, or to stay alive?

Now, let me clarify. What I'm trying to say is, is it better to fully live? To have fun and awaken your senses in new and bizarre ways. Is it better to experience the world in a completely different perspective or is it preferable to just abide by rules and laws and guidelines and completely lack the excitement and enjoyment?

I was on Facebook, looking through pictures of an old acquaintance of mine who ended up moving out of state. We had the same musical interests and we were into the same sorts of stuff, so we talked occasionally. Her mother had married a friend of my parents. She was a really nice girl and I enjoyed talking to her, but as I said, we were only acquaintances so we didn't know too much about each other.

I looked at some of her Facebook pictures and saw some things that didn't look like anything my friends and I would ever do. Or things that would even be at all legal.

Some of her status updates read, "I'd rather live fast and short than live forever."

It kinda made me wonder whether or not she was completely right on that matter. Should we just totally live by the laws, not let ourselves venture out of that sphere of control society, our parents, the government try to enclose us in? Or should we step across that invisible line that they've laid down for us?

Some of what they tell us is to benefit our own health and well being. It's to keep us from making serious mistakes in a moment where we might not be thinking so clearly.

However, those who experiment and go beyond that safety zone sometimes say that it's the most interesting and fun experience you could ever have.

Are those few out of world experiences really worth all the baggage that they come with?

Some may tell you absolutely, while others, facing the downside of their decisions, would disagree and say that nothing could ever be worth the pain and hardship that comes later.

Should we just follow our impulses. Should I follow my dreams of moving to Paris and living a bohemian lifestyle, living off only salt and crackers? Find people who share similar interests and a similar style to mine, and write novels together? My fantasy carries out in my having met so many interesting and insightful people who somehow find me insightful and interesting and through them and the many life changing experiences I have, publish a book that is so popular, but only among those who are as interesting and insightful as me and the people in my life. Then I will later go down in history as being one of the most charming and intelligent and interesting authoress with the most insightful things to say.

Possible?

Yes.

Probable?

No.

That is why we will keep our toes under control as to not accidentally cross the line.

"We'll choke on our vomit, and that will be the end."

"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."

-Author Unknown


Customers:


At Target, however, we like to call them "guests". It's all a marketing ploy, really. We call them guests so they feel more welcome, relaxed, and comfortable. AND THEN...we get you to buy a lot of useless, stupid Target junk.

Before I started working, the only insight into what consumers spend their money on I had was to what my family bought, so when they brought about the whole idea of an "economical recession" I didn't think that it was because people were stupid, just the government's fault.

Well, after working at Target I realize that people seriously have no idea how to employ the concept of "saving money" into their lives. I mean, really, ma'am do you need to buy your dog a $30 dollar hot dog costume even when I had to tell you that your credit card's not been approved?

Let me share a story with you. I bet you've heard of the dollar section at Target. As long as you haven't been living under a rock for the better part of your life, you've deffffff. heard of it. Well, sometimes you really can find some pretty good deals, there. However, most of the time a majority of the stuff you'll find is cheap, easily breakable, very small in quantity, lacking quality and not worth a quarter, much less a dollar. Well, people, thinking that they're geniuses for buying 25 packets of stationery paper, instead of just buying the regular pack you'd find in the office supplies section for like, 8 bucks, waste a TON of money. They trick you into thinknig you're actually saving money, when in reality, they've got you wrapped around their twisted little corporate finger.


ANYWAYS...I was working a grueling 8 hour shift, the other day (yesterday), when a lady came through my lane. I do what I always do, and I greeted her with a smile and a "How are you doing today?" and "Did you find everything you needed okay?"

She laughed and told me that she'd found everything she needed and a lot more she didn't. I politely chuckled and told her that it was hard to come to Target and buy only what you need, pretending to sympathize. She agreed, and I asked a little bit about their plans for Halloween. We then ceased conversation so I could focus on my mindless task of checking out items.
Her grocery list included:
-Expensive frozen dinners that would have just been cheaper had she just bought the ingredients needed to make "Stouffer's Gravy Dinner"/"Kashi Cultural Rice Entree"
-Apples
-Toilet Paper
-Costumes
-Coloring Books
-Candy
-Markers
-Toys
-Lots of crap from the dollar section
-Lots of other crappy crap
Her bill came up to about 125 bucks. She first tried using a credit card. This is what flashed on my screen and her card reader:
"Card not approved. Use another payment."

We went through this process a couple more times with a couple more cards. Until finally, she split up the payment amongst:
-Some cash
-Her debit Card
-2 credit cards

Wow, I thought. Really? Why are you SO STUPID? You are obviously in no situation to buy all this extra junk that (I'm pretty sure) you don't need.

I don't know what kind of crazy spending I'm going to witness when Christmas comes around...when people instist on buying their friends the latest, newest, and (most of the time), most expensive stuff they can possibly get their hands on. Just the thought of the amount of customers who are going to get pissed AT ME because I'm the one who breaks the news to them that they don't have enough money for the Wii console they want to get their nephew, makes me want to barf up some of the Halloween candy I had today.

Whatever, none of my business, I guess. I'm just saying, I feel like if people weren't so dumb about how they manage their money, the world would be a whole lot better of a place.

"Commit to be fit"

-Unknown

I was at work today as one after another customers would come through my lane and describe the beautiful weather out to me. Then they'd add; "Oh, I hope you'll get off to catch it!"

Normally, I hate when people do that because a majority of the time, I don't get to catch the nice weather. Most of the time, I barely catch the last glimpses of the sun once I leave. Pretty, but it leaves me wanting more.

Finally, today, I was scheduled to get off at 2 PM.

Exciting?

Very.

So I decided that once I got home, I'd pull on the old sweats and go out for a nice jog, something I used to do all the time, but haven't done in about a millenium or so. Give or take.

So I'm on my usual course, down by street, turn up the next, and I keep going 'till I hit the park. That's half a mile. Then I usually go one full lap or two half laps around the park which equals one mile. Then my run back home would be another half mile. So altogether, I usually get about 2 miles. Occasionally, I'd push it to 2.5-3 miles. Rarely (meaning only once), I do 4.5 miles.

I used to love running. I'd have my iPod on a playlist of fun, peppy songs that were psychologically energizing. The sky would be perfect and sometimes, I'd run with my head up and just watch the clouds.

Which was a very stupid thing to do. I'm very klutzy, so more often than not, with my head up at the sky, looking like an asshole, I'd trip over something or run into something or, in the most embarrassing cases, somebody.

As I was saying. I would have such a good time going on a jog. I'd get my good breath of fresh air and the park where I ran was so pretty. It especially was today, with the leaves all sorts of autumnal (<---is that even a word? I'm too lazy to find out, so we'll just honor it as one for now) colors.

As I was saying. I was on my usual routine. So, by the time I'd gone to make my second lap around the park, I felt something terrible. Pain.

My body was obviously not releasing enough endorphins because I was not feeling very good at all. I was sweating profusely, my stomach was turning, and my legs burned.

Then it hit me.

I had an epiphany.

I was

Out.

Of.

Shape.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It was true. I'm 17 years old and already my body has turned on me. Oh, woe is a friend of mine.