“Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.”

-Oscar Wilde

Of course, the saying goes, life is a roller coaster. It goes up and it goes down, and your feelings coincide with the roller coaster's directions. As your inching towards the top, you feel giddy and bright and hopeful, and you tweet things such as, "omgggggg. i loveeee life."
Unlike a roller coaster; however, the plunge into the low point sometimes does not happen quickly. It takes time, the car you're in descends, and you don't even realize it; however, other times, the car races. You think you're having a good time and BAM, lyfe sux. And, really, unlike all the crazy rides I went on at 6 flags, it's not at all any fun. By the time you're at the bottom of the thing you look around, dazed, as if having been struck, trying to figure out how you got to where you are now. And as it gets to the point where you feel that all is lost, the car starts inching its way up.
The uphill climb can sometimes go ZIIIIIIIIIP and arrive at the peak before you even know it, and you find yourself smiling and singing along to the songs on the radio again.
Pessimists, however, even as their at the highest point of the roller coaster, can never forget the suckiness of being at the bottom. They hold onto it, and look at life through a fogged window. The fog being there to keep them from getting a good look as to what's on the other side. The fog reminding them that they need to stay behind the window, and not venture their way outside.
I should know because I am a board certified ohfishal pessimist. I used to roll my eyes when people would call me pessimistic. How absurd! I'm outgoing, I'm friendly, I'm comical, how could I possibly be a pessimist? Then I realized, you can be all smiles and sunshine, but that doesn't mean that you haven't got that cloud in sight that threatens to cover your light. And when you're a pessimist, you can't take your eyes off that threatening cloud.
That cloud threatens to hang above you, to rain on you and your day, wetting your clothes, and ruining your hair.
When you're a pessimist, you look at life through wide opened eyes, taking in everything, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.
Maybe I'm not a pessimist, maybe I'm just a realist. Maybe I know that there are no such things as people you can always count on no matter what, that the grass looks greener on the other side, but is probably just because of the lighting, and besides, the greener the grass the harder it is to remove the grass stains.